A Year After ‘A’s– Me trying to offer advice

I’m looking for guest posts once again! The guest post can be a recipe post, a “tips” on how to bake/cook something post or a nutrition related post. Just email it to qiting93@hotmail.com and I’ll get it up and going!

 

I got my A level results exactly a year ago. Hard to think I’ve managed to get through that. When I was a kid, I remember thinking that I would somehow die before getting my PSLE (Primary School Leaving Examinations) results because how the hell will I be able to survive in this damn world with horrible results when my friends and family and the society think so highly of me since I’m in the so called best class in a relatively good school? I got through that alive, fortunately, and lived to see my A level results. I wrote this after getting my results last year.

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Don’t do this.

Of course, this post is not all about me. It’s about you, the people who have just gotten your results and are wondering what to do about it.

If you did badly, sure, you can cry on the first day, but promise me. The next day you are going to get back on your feet and think about how you can make the best out of everything. Quit comparing your results with your friends. That’s not going to change anything.

Good results or not, think this through carefully. What is one thing you’ll sacrifice sleep for? What do you unknowingly willingly stay up all night for? Do you happily look up biology facts all night? Do you draw up dress designs till the break of dawn? Do you write program codes till your body fails to feel hunger or lethargy? Do you have one thing that you have so much passion for that it takes away all tiredness and cravings?

If you do, whether you have good results or not, I suggest you pursue it, or you’ll regret that you never did sooner or later. I know people who have gotten straight As yet decided to study Music. I know people who have gotten straight As who are studying graphic design. I know people like myself who did average yet managed to get into a faculty like medicine or law. In the end, it’s all that you do that decides what you’ll do. Because ten years later, you’ll realise that the ‘A’ levels really hadn’t meant anything. It had been a test, but not just an ordinary test. It had also been a test of your ability to cope with its results. Did you succumb to the expectations of you and end up with a job you loathe, or did you, in spite of incredible grades, decided to do something you love? Think this before you make your final decision: will I regret this choice I’m making ten years down the road?

When there’s a will, there’s a way.
You don’t have to settle for medicine or law or accountancy just because you get straight As, You don’t have to settle for Science just because you got poor grades. It’s your life, so live it! Don’t let society, your peers or even your parents decide your future. It’s your life, not theirs! A piece of paper can’t get you anyhere unless you know what to do with it. Paint your future, don’t let anyone else paint it for you. Good luck guys. If you need advice, feel free to drop me an email. I’ll be happy to help.

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A joke to lighten up the mood.

Oh and a late “Happy Birthday” to our dearest ACS (Anglo Chinese School Barker/Independent)! (Singapore, and especially the Singaporean females, thank you, for nurturing a breed of rich, hot and intelligent male variety to prosperous the nation. ) <insert some sarcasm> We are genuinely grateful.

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Decadent Milo Layer Cake

I’m looking for guest posts once again! The guest post can be a recipe post, a “tips” on how to bake/cook something post or a nutrition related post. Just email it to qiting93@hotmail.com and I’ll get it up and going!

Warning: please do not read if you’re very prone to depression or to having suicidal thoughts. Scroll to the bottom for the recipe.

Sometimes, the person who seems to be happiest on the outside is the most depressed. Sometimes, the person who seems most patient on the outside is the angriest. Sometimes, the person who seems most outgoing is actually the most inconfident and lonely. Its sad, but its the truth.

even if you don't feel like dancing at all.
even if you don’t feel like dancing at all.

It all goes really well.

You learn to deal with it.

Hiding the pain becomes easy. When someone says something that hurts, you get used feeling the pain, hiding it inside and not letting it show at all. You learn to smile when someone says something or does something that hurts. They don’t know that what they say can hurt. You don’t want them to know. Until one day, you can’t take it anymore. The suppressing gives you headaches. Your depression is getting out of hand. Suicidal thoughts surface more often than ever before. You learn that suppression isn’t the answer to everything. You find it hard to smile a real smile or to genuinely find something funny. You remember the 5 years that you couldn’t smile at all. You don’t want it to happen again.

One of the troubles I’m having with this is this friend of mine. (I have no idea how I keep becoming close friends with people detrimental to my mental and emotional health but it keeps happening– somebody stop me please!!)

We are supposedly close. At least she thinks we are close. Because she’s able to share all her troubles with me and I’ll try to be really helpful and help her all I can. But the thing is, I’m never able to tell her anything because she’ll always turn the focus to her in the end. Say, if I’m having a bad day, I’ll be so happy to see her because yay, finally a friend in sight, and I’ll say “I’m having a bad day. This morning, blah blah blah happened…” and she’ll stop me mid sentence, saying “I’m so happy today! I had a bad day too last week and I’m still reeling in its effects though. A couple of my friends were so nice to me and…” In short, she’lll totally ignore me and shift the conversation to herself.

Every. Damned. Time.

And she wonders why I always seem happy. Hey friend?! Maybe its because you never bother to listen at all??!! I hate always being the comforter and never the “comfortee”.

"I'm always there for you, for every silly little detail of your life. 
But when I need you, you couldn't care less."

I tried to tell her this once, to finally share with her how I feel and this is how the damned conversation went.

(After she tells me about how she was sad that a friend did not talk to her for three days and was it her fault? What did she do wrong? And me saying he was probably busy, don’t think too much about it alright and blah blah blah because that’s all she’ll let me do.)

Me: Hey, you know I’m not actually not as happy as you think I am. I do have troubles too.

Her: Then why don’t you tell me about them?

Me: I always try but you always don’t listen and change the subject!

Her: Really? Maybe I didn’t know you were trying to tell me something! Maybe you should be more clear about it.

Me: Okaaaaaayyyyy…. I’ll try. So, um, these couple of days have been really bad for me…

Her: It’s been horrible for me too! You know, I had a meeting with my project group just now… (proceeds to tell me about her “misery” for the next 10 minutes and ignores me yet again)

As you can imagine, every conversation I have with her has become me screaming on the inside the whole time. The other times, she keeps telling me that she has the worst life ever when she’s actually freaking lucky. Her mother loves her and dotes on her like crazy. She hates peanuts and her family make damn sure not even half a peanut appears on her plate, as do the hundreds of other food she refuses to eat. When she has troubles, she has at least five friends who will listen to her troubles. She has never been through an illness worse than a flu, contracted any disease, is as fit as a fiddle, and aside from a false lack of confidence (she actually has tons of confidence. You need a lot of confidence to believe tons of people enjoy listening to you whine about how horrible or awesome your life is), has had a smooth sailing life. Yes she has been bullied, but even when she was, she still had at least 10 friends behind her during then, so she said after interrupting me when I was saying how horrible my childhood was, which really is terrible to the max, and you’ll know if you read my other posts. In other words, she wants everyone to think her life is horrible though at the same time, she’s trying to make sure everyone knows how terrific it is. When a friend has troubles, she pretends she can’t hear them or ignores them completely. But when she has troubles, everyone has to listen. One word– selfishness.

There are, of course, other things, but I think I’m already dedicating so much of this post to her its annoying yours truly.

Someday I’m going to find a friend who will not only share with me his/her feelings, but will let me share mine too. Someone who’ll give me advice and not interrupt me every time I say something, someone who’ll accept my deep and dark side but will not be influenced by it. Its hard. I thought I had found a good friend in that friend I mentioned above, but as usual, I suck at making the right friends, always finding the ones that’ll push me to suicidal thoughts and whatnot.

Someday, I’m gonna find a true friend.

And to all the horrible friends I’ve made before,

so many times… I guess its time for you to go.
"If your friends cause you to lie or pretend about liking or disliking, enjoying 
or loathing something. 
If you're having to change yourself for them. 
They were never friends to begin with. 
Choose them wisely."

Trust this man. He’s hell a lot smarter than I am.

And to end the “heavier” part of this post,

————————————————————————————————————————–

MC1b

I made this cake for a great friend of mine for a couple months already. She’s a Christian like me, listens to me, is genuinely sad when she can’t offer me good advice. Although I can’t yet bring myself to tell her everything, I know she’ll always be there for me, and I’ll always be there for her, even though we are miles apart.

MC2

This cake is moist, crumbly and decadent. Its milo flavoured, which really means malted chocolate flavoured.

MC9

For the text version of the recipe, click here.